There...and back again

I lay down on my cold bed. It was well past midnight. I was not scared, yet I was shivering like a mouse in the dirty claws of a savage like cat. Nothing could stop it. My teeth chattered away like a machine making the only sound in the empty room.

The cat's grip became tighter almost vice like as it squeezed the life out the mouse like soul on the cold bed. It wasn't the chill in the wind. I was immune to that. It couldn't be the water from the bath. What could it be?! I couldn't feel blood, that comforted me. Then.....

My head burst.

I was in a place very close to my heart.... open.... smelling of rich wood furnishings and lights. The stage was naked and one could see a rusted old nail dead centre. The place was empty except for a solitary chair in the middle of the audience. Someone was sitting on it with his back to me. I moved cautiously toward the person and when I saw who it was I let out a short scream no one else could hear.

I saw myself standing in front of me, taller, slimmer and a lot more likable than my usual self. I could have sworn my twin's skin tone was a shade lighter. It wasn't because of the lights on him, one could sense a divine glow. I certainly did.

Who are you?

Who do you want me to be?

That settled it. He was definitely more intelligent.

What am I doing here?

Do you want to be here?

uhh.... ya... I know this place... but what do you mean?

Do you want to be here? He repeated with a smile I could have never sported.

Well... yes....no... well.... why am I here?

That's a better question.

I scanned him too quickly. I was not able to stop my eyes from ogling at myself. Who was he? He wasn't me. But he was. WHAT WAS GOING ON???

You want to be here don't you?

Don't you realize you have been shooting only questions?

Yes. Didn't you realize? - he shot back. I didn't expect it. It hit me hard. Very Hard. What did he mean by that? He had given me his first answer but only to follow it up with a slap on the face kind of question. Did he really want me to answer that?

I don't always question..... I said, not too sure of myself.

He smiled again. I wish I could do that, I thought.

You love this place don't you?

Yes.

You want to be here now and forever?

Yes.

You want to be left alone here?

Not always.

Good one. You want them to come too?

Them?

Them.

Yes.

Do you like it where you are?

I can't answer that.

Why not?

I don't want to.

You can't or you don't want to?.. make up your mind.

I DO NT WANT TO , I screamed. The voice carried and bounced off the walls.

You want to be there too don't you?

Yes. I do.

Even though you don't have to?

No... I have to.

But you don't want to?

I.... have to... so... I want to.

Is that even possible?

It is.

You think so?

Yes.

He smiled again. I could feel tears falling down my cheeks. But I wasn't crying. What was going on?

Then it hit me again. My head was bursting. It had woken up.

I knew. And then I said;

I know who you are.

What?

WHO ARE YOU?

I am you.

No you are not. You are not me.

Says who. He was frowning now. He looked tough to crack. I felt the shiver again. Now I knew what it was. It wasn't the bed or the wind. It was him.... it was me... and it was just the two of us.

Then who am I?

You are nobody.

WHAT? His eyes grew bigger than usual and they tore through my skin almost burning me. His eyebrows sharpened and he lost the divinity he first possessed.

I stood firm. Not moving an inch. Looking back, eyes and brow steady and looking him in the eye. I knew I was burning. But I dare not let him know he was winning.

I want to be here. Yes.

THEN COME. COME HERE FOR GOOD. He was screaming. His voice resounding between the four walls and the place was now no longer empty. Millions of faceless Shadows stood facing us. One half of the million shadows laughed at me and the other half's faceless expressions showed signs of worry and love. But I didn't pay them too much attention. This was unreal. And he wasn't me.

I have to go back... because I want to.

NO YOU DON"T. His sharp eyes were now red, and his teeth grew into fangs. He no longer sported the smile, and he was dark. Darker than the shadows around him.

I don't need you. I need me.

YOU NEED ME. YOU ARE LOSING YOURSELF THERE.

No I am not. I will lose myself here.

YOU LOVE THIS PLACE.

I'll LOVE IT MORE IF I DON"T STAY HERE.

YOU ARE A FOOL.

SAYS WHO? SAYS WHO? SAYS A PERSON WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE IS!

That did it. My teeth were chattering because of my screaming. There was a scream, a scream that was making my head burst again, and he was turning into something. Something crude and disgusting. He was going back to being himself. My head continued to burst as he transformed. I yelled and my throat hurt. I then shut my eyes tight and ran....ran, not looking where I was going. I jumped the stairs leading to the stage and stopped just before I placed my foot on the rusted iron nail. I was not myself. I was hurting. He...it..whatever...was doing something to me. He was still going all hazy... with no physical form to his credit.

YOU CAN"T TAKE THE PAIN. YOU CAN"T. TAKE THIS WAY. It's easier!!!!

I shut my eyes again. Looked in his direction.

YOU ARE WRONG.

The nail near my foot grew thrice as long and gave itself a golden handle. There was no rust anymore. I bent down, picked it up and without thinking threw it at my other self.

It all went dark. And I could feel the mist again.

But I was shivering no more.

I had won.

For now.

Roar

Come.... Hear the roar!

There he goes, fearless, without a thought

written on his head are lines showing signs of worry

Yet, no thoughts one could read, sorry.

Did he find joy in this?

He has his target set... he cannot miss

Its about time... come... hear the roar!

His brow was like a bow, with eyes as sharp as arrows

And when they meet in perfect unison...

It'll come... the roar... the roar will come

The air kisses and his long flowing mane dances like the fire

Along the way, it caresses his face, is wood, burning it.

Victory is in sight, the arrows and eyes are one

The task shall be done, his brows and face agree

Looking,

Waiting,

Then... there she goes!!!!!

Now we wait

Now we wait... it'll come!

And there he screams

with a blend of joy and pain

with a tinge of sorrow and gain

the enemy has been SLAIN!

His roar resounds not for the victory

He doesn't know he has won

He screams..

for he has done what had to be done!

He will find joy in this...

But not now... not now

But come it will when he knows not

Yet here he screams, like there is no present or past

No thought telling him how long it will last!

Come... you have heard the roar!