You know, when even one small thing goes wrong in my life, all the "sins" I have ever done flashes through my mind. How much ever I try to shut the latest version of this flash video player, I cannot bring myself to ignore it.
Not that I feel guilty, I feel a lot more than that. Trouble is, I don't know if its normal to have stuff like that flashing through your head. I don't think I want to be labeled as chronically depressed, because I am not. Neither am I putting on an attitude.
I am not making sense now am I? That ain't normal too right? No. I am not insecure.
It all started with me offering the three tickets I got for the latest blockbuster to my family. We are family of four. I specifically asked for three. I chose to stay back that Sunday and study for my upcoming examinations.
My parents and younger brother left that morning for the show. During the time I was alone at home, I got a call from my maternal grandparents. My grandmother had prepared some chicken curry and offered to send across a portion... a sizable one... to me.
I did not readily agree, knowing fully well my mother's temper would soar to the skies if she knew I had consumed chicken days before an exam.
It was after this initial nonchalance did I make my mistake. My stomach shoved my brain aside, and together with my watering tongue, diplomatically answered to my slightly disappointed grandmother to "wait till mummy gets back home".
And she did come back. So did my dad and brother. And I.... did not ask... but told her about the incident.
Needless to say, the expected was unexpectedly received by my poor self.
"How could they offer you.... food at home.... exams...... foolish.... stomach upset"
You get it right?
My tongue continued to water, but failed to operate as a medium of conversation. My mom got in touch with her parents and the negotiations began.
Now I know why the nuke deal is taking so long. After all, it was a plate of chicken... not global domination.
While the talks were on I made my second mistake, my eyes and my brows realized my mouth wasn't moving. So, they gestured to my mother on the phone.....
And the talks came to a bitter end.... " Send the Damn thing"..... and she banged down the phone.
I was pretty sure I heard music down there in my guts. But way up here, the workaholics and pragmatics in my brain were ready to bear the brunt of the expected onslaught.... mom.
The chicken came and I gorged. There were two portions, one being the rice already mixed with the curry and another vessel with the curry alone. I took the former, smaller portion.
My brother realized only after I finished my helping that I had had chicken for lunch. Now here is where I make my third mistake, as I was taking the last morsel, my brother took the same from me and tried to eat it. I told him to take the other vessel and eat it.
For some reason older and wiser siblings will never be able to fathom, the guy lost it....
"You have to share... bloody... goose..... &*%&^......"
You get it right?
I didn't get it.... I just sat with my empty plate and stared. That's when missile no. 2 was launched. In came my mom, and gave me her bit too!
"Sunday.... need peace.... fighting for food as if we are in Somalia.. chicken when exams are on...."
You get it right?
My parents and brother didn't talk to me the whole day. In fact, my parents didn't talk to me for days. My father kept asking me why I was sulking so much. And again, my not so slippery tongue did not come to my aid. Maybe you can count that as mistake no. 4.
I still don't get it why they reacted they way did. Life came back to normal with all of us promising to put it behind us.
But what hurts me till date is how murky things that come up irrespective of whether I cross the line or not.
Chicken before exams lead to snide sarcastic remarks of how I had watched a movie when I was not supposed to.... or how I came back home later than usual one day... or how I had a tough patch in my academics in class X 1st term... or maybe the time I made a ruckus not to quit college. Probably the period where theatre was the priority in my life.. Or the numerous other occasions when family had apparently taken a back seat.... and how I was like a non paying guest in my own home.
Its funny and scary. Scary cause, I don't think I want to be reminded about the numerous curfews I have breached. Funny?
Funny because, never after doing something good or achieving something praiseworthy, do I hear of my previous laurels.
You get it right?
Maybe its the parents' way of reminding us what NOT to do. We are all teenagers with big dreams and bigger egos. Why do we go through such roads? Why does chicken for lunch lead to so much reminiscence of pain? Why do I have so many unanswered questions?
Wait.. unanswered questions... that isn't normal is it?
AND for the last time... NO... I am not insecure.
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